| ' people are too busy thinking about their own life to spend time thinking about or judging yours'

an everyday moment:

There has been countless times when I have been on the brink of sleep, only to be tortured by some embarrassing memory that absolutely no one remembers but me. These moments are 100% of the time characterised by behaviour that is out of character for me or completely unplanned and unexpected. Whether that is crying during speeches or sharing my blog, it is the moments or micro-decisions that feel so intense which really only mean the most to me at the end of the day. Despite the sentiment that 'no one cares', even after becoming aware of people reading this, I felt the urge to filter stuff out or write differently.

a reflection:

The first time I really registered the sentiment that nobody cares, it was kind of freeing. I realised that genuinely everyone is so caught up with their own lives, their personal feelings, their own celebrations, their own friendships, their own health, their own struggles to bat an eye at whatever you’re doing. The most bizarrely dressed person will walk in the middle of the crowd and sure, they will get some looks but everyone goes about their day after about 5 seconds.

Truly - I once saw someone walk around in a glitter costume head-to-toe in a very busy public place. They got a few stares and amused-shocked shared looks and then everyone moved on after less than 10 seconds.

It’s like procrastination. The pain you receive from the fear (anticipation) of not succeeding in the task leads to your behaviour (delaying the task). The pain you receive from anticipating how people will react (extreme judgement or bullying) leads to your behaviour (deciding to NOT DO whatever it is you want to do). Basically, the pain is temporary, it is mild, and other people’s judgements have everything to do with their life, their mind and not yours - you are not responsible for their judgements so why modify your behaviour to accommodate for their mind to feel comfortable.

When your authentic behaviour makes others uncomfortable, you’re actually doing them a favour - you’re shining a light on an area of their life they may feel insecure in.

the caveats

However, this phrase of nobody caring be interpreted in a very disempowering way in which ‘nobody cares about you’ and basically you are worthless. When taken this way, I realised I need to be so rooted in valuing myself, that even when nobody cares it actually doesn’t matter. Like I can fully appreciate that nobody cares, it allows me to fail freely and succeed freely because nobody is super fixated on my life. As a child, yes, I felt like I had parental scrutinisation on my life and as I grow older I’m behaving, thinking and feeling in a world where there is almost zero scrutinisation. It is freeing, not depressing. When you care about you, other will also care about you. In the process of you caring about you, nobody cares how you do it. They just see that WOWWW (end product of what it looks like when you care for yourself) and they intuitively know that how you feel is how they want to feel so they start scrutinising your life so they can mimic it and also feel cared for.

fromtheheart mantras

• Instead of cringing at the ‘cringe’ moments that haunt us and replay in our head in the most random of moments, marvel at the sheer vulnerability or courage you mustered up in that moment that seems ‘cringe’ or unbelievable now.

• the world doesn't know you yet. you get to choose how you get known and the character you want to be - why continue to be boxed in by an identity that YOU THINK others expect you to be?

• you're not an NPC, stagnant character. if you still feel scared, do it for the plot - it might work out and even if it doesn't, at least you have a story to share

with love, 

from the heart <3