the unconscious
hello!
Ever wondered ‘why did I do that?’ ‘what made me do something that I know is not in the direction of what I want?’ Clearly, behaviour is driven more than the conscious, goal-directed mind. So what else is it driven by?
This is something I’ve been pondering on; I’m moving away from advice and more towards contemplation. This contemplation is all spontaneous and ‘from the heart’ so of course, take it with a grain of salt!
The Unconscious Doesn’t Exist
If the unconscious doesn’t exist then why is posture often reflective of self-esteem? Or even how people communicate themselves?
Even portrayed in film; those with hunched backs, poor posture are portrayed as weak or having fragile self-esteem. There was a psychologist who claimed that just from seeing the way someone walked; they could predict all the psychological issues and suffering the people was going through. I’m not saying it’s a foolproof method but if this kind of research has any validity or credibility to it, it’s a complete shame that it is so neglected or seen as ‘woo-woo’.
Just a thought
My hypothesis is that we form subconscious beliefs about ourselves (rules on how we should act, how we should respond to certain situations, what certain actions mean about ourselves; whether we’re good or bad) during childhood and early experiences. Imagine having to store all that information consciously and monitoring it like we do with facts. The amount of cognitive load would costs us too much. These subconscious beliefs are integral to our survival in our environment. And it proves helpful in the environment we grew up in, but doesn’t mean it will always be helpful in the future.
There’s this analogy where generations of the iPhone can be likened to generations of people. You know, talking to your grandparents or even your parents; there are certain beliefs reflective of their generation that stick and they can be seen as ‘narrow-minded’. But that’s equivalent to looking at the first version of the iPhone and viewing it as narrow-minded to the current latest iPhone. I think it’s funny that you can predict just from meeting someone what generation they grew up in. It’s made me wonder if to some degree it’s because they share certain subconscious beliefs that were shaped by common child-rearing practices that were normal in their day.
Childhood and the Subconscious
And just from that you can probably think of a few examples where certain subconscious beliefs are not helpful now as they used to be. Let’s take the simple example of ‘children should be seen and not heard’. In other words; children were seen as ‘good’ and ‘well-behaved’ if their expression was restricted. Can you imagine their body language; submissive, fake smiling, tense. And this kind of behaviour is rewarded socially. Now let’s say they do speak or speak out of line in rebellion or mischief. They’re told that their bad, naughty children. After years of practise in this environment, how much unconscious mental resistance would they need to overcome in order to feel safe expressing their thoughts and opinions, especially if they feel it may disagree with others. A lot, right. So what helped them be seen as ‘good’ and minimise punishment as a child now limits them from expressing their needs and getting what they want when they are older. This kind of thing is what we mean when we say ‘oh they’re just like that; they’re just wired that way’. You could say that we’re even imprisoned by certain subconscious beliefs that keep us in cycles of self-sabotage.
Changing the Subconscious
What if that wiring can change? Body language is not the only indicator of subconscious beliefs we have about ourselves. And as I did learn in psychology, one indicator of something that we cannot see will never be a foolproof, reliable measurement. People can have poor posture in certain situations and have stable self-esteem. But the overall trend is what what I’m interested in the most.
That’s why I was so interested in eating behaviour - doesn’t it make sense that important cultural values that increase the likelihood of a tribe’s survival is portrayed in how the community eats. AKA eating behaviour can be an indicator of the subconscious - one that is wired by previous generations to ensure the community’s survival. Getting people in the community to clean their plate in a resource-scarce environment is a way to ensure that maximum amount of energy was drawn from available resources and that if a famine came along, it’s more likely they will survive.
Compliance to elders and appreciating their cooking by finishing what they cook for you also encourages full compliance to those in the community who hold the most knowledge and can help you survive.
The Everyday Unconscious
Where does the unconscious show up for us? You know those moments of ‘why did I do that’ - I didn’t want to do it, it’s not good for me etc. And we go on feeling stupid, bad, guilty and all that jazz. We didn’t consciously do those behaviours. And it’s inaccurate to believe that we did. Yes, you can consciously intervene with unconscious behaviours - that is what recovery from addiction programs do.
But it comes down to unconscious norms of thinking and behaving that we’re still hanging onto because they are so deeply seated in who we are, and who we grew up thinking we had to be. If someone unconsciously believes that they need to carry the burden for everyone else in order for everyone to be at ease in their environment so that they feel safe then it predicts their behaviour and personality in future. They’re like to overextend themselves; in a lot of situations; at work, at school, you name it. And it can even be so literal as well - they may ‘voluntarily’ carry more than they can hold and throw their back out. And then you know, we can go ‘oh why does this keep happening to me; it’s not fair; etc etc.’ But every time they get negative feedback for an automatic way of how they relate to their environment is an indicator of unconscious beliefs that no longer help them (just like posture is an indicator or eating behaviour is an indicator). The situations we found ourselves in may actually be helping us to become aware of the maladaptive subconscious beliefs. Could this extend to the situations they find themselves in, the people they find themselves around - you know, there’s a possibility. And that’s a crazy concept to get around.
The thing with the unconscious, is we don’t need to do anything to become aware of it. We just need to reflect on things that happen. Each subconscious belief causes us to act in ways that are reflexive even if they appear to be voluntary. You can argue that posture is controlled by you, but we’re not conscious of it 24/7. Same with a lot of behaviour; same with how we interact with different people - not a lot of it is conscious. So what is driving it? And do we still want to be driven by those beliefs?
Self-sabotage
A great example is self-sabotage. A lot of people have the unconscious belief that no matter what they do, they will do something wrong and that they’re ‘bad’. And do ‘bad’ people do good things or get good things or stick to their goals. Logically, we’ve learnt that no, none of the above. So is it a surprise if you start acting in ways that ‘sabotage’ yourself but are aligned with the fundamental belief that you are ‘bad’ in some way? If someone thinks that they’re not a good person - unconsciously they will align their behaviour, feelings and thoughts to this baseline belief. Maybe they’ll be more irritable to others, think badly about themselves and feel crap. All in all to affirm that baseline thought - even if it is the opposite of what they want.
This may seem crazy, but a lot of social interaction is inferring people’s unconscious from their behaviour. Why are we attracted or want to gain the attraction of people who act, behave and communicate a certain way. Maybe because at some level, we can tell that their wiring is like the latest iPhone and we want to be on that same wavelength.
just some thoughts for the week! thank you so much for reading :)
from,
the heart <3
lol a reminder :)